Wednesday, November 25, 2015

So... about these 100 pounds.

I really badly want to lose 100 pounds.

That sounds like a lot, but I weigh a lot.  I weigh 275 currently.

I'm 10 pounds over my "high weight" of 265 pounds, which is what I weighed around my college graduation.

I tried to recover from my eating disorder, and I think that I did okay.  However, the binges haven't stopped completely.  And my clothes have been getting tighter.

It's so hard to recover from an eating disorder, at any size.  Especially if your current size is unhealthy.

For many people going into recovery, weight gain is the primary focus at first, because they may be dangerously underweight.

For me though, I am dangerously OVERweight.  I still think that the science is trying to catch up in this area of ED recovery.  The "recovery meal plan" is not a weight loss plan, nor should it be.

But what should someone in my position, who wants to recover from her eating disorder and who also wants to lose 100 pounds?


I really don't know.

And I think it's one of the reasons that I stopped blogging.  I felt like a hypocrite.

I felt like if I started to blog about weight loss again, I would lose the support of those who come here to read about recovery and body acceptance.  But if I continued to blog about trying to accept rather than change my body, I would be lying.

So I stopped writing here altogether.

Well, that's just silly.

It's MY BLOG.  And it has changed so many times in the past, depending on what was going on in my life.  It changes, just like I change.

So if I want to blog about a weight loss journey again, I can.  And it's okay.

And if I change my mind again along the way, and want to focus more on accepting my body as it is, then that's okay, too.

It's my body, and it's my blog.  It's okay.  :-)

I love that I can inspire and help people along the way, too.  So hopefully I can continue to do so.  I look forward to this next step in my blogging adventure and hope that you all stay for the ride, wherever it may take us.

shiny new "before" picture