10 pound progress picture, and some athletic goals...

Here's a fun progress picture of me!  I started at 265 pounds, and got down to 253.8 a few days ago, and took this picture yesterday.  I didn't take an official "before" picture, but I do plan to take all progress pictures in this swimsuit (which is way too small right now, but really shows my shape, which is great for progress pictures).

I wrote a list of goal weights, and I plan to post a new picture whenever I reach one of these milestones.
-10 pounds (255): 7/10/2014
-25 pounds (240)
-30 pounds (235)
-40 pounds (225)
-50 pounds (215)
-60 pounds (205)
-75 pounds (190)
-80 pounds (185)
-90 pounds (175)
-100 pounds (165)

Sometimes I get sad that I'm not naturally thin, or at least naturally inclined to make  healthy choices.  Unfortunately what comes naturally to me  right now is to eat crappy food when not even hungry and to sit around a lot.

But I'm not giving up on my quest to be healthy, just because it doesn't currently come natural to me.  It may take a long time to develop a healthy relationship with food, and it may take a long time to become truly naturally inclined towards healthy habits. 

For now, I need some structure.  One thing that has always helped me become healthier is training for a race.  I can't afford a gym membership currently, so it will be tough for the first month or so until I get a paycheck (new job starts on Tuesday!).

But for now, my apartment has a small gym and a pool, and I have a bike.

So... I'm going to be keeping this event in mind:

That's right: the Music City Triathlon!!!  Not this year's, because that's in one week.  But apparently this is an annual event, so I have an entire year to get in shape and train for next summer's race.

For now, I'm just going to swim, bike, and run regularly.  I will be training for the Sprint Triathlon, which is a race of 400m swimming, 22k biking, and 5k running.  If I rock it, maybe I'll try the Intermediate Triathlon in 2016!  ;-)

Here's this week's exercise schedule:

Sunday- bike

Monday- cross train: elliptical

Tuesday- rest

Wednesday- swim

Thursday- walk/run intervals

Friday- bike

Saturday- rest 

I'm thinking about the triathlon, I'm going to train for the same half marathon that I did last year, maybe even going for the full 26.2 next year.  I've been told that training for a triathlon will help my running alot.

Have you ever trained for a big race like a 

marathon or triathlon?  

Leah's Bride Boot Camp!!! (just kidding... sort of)

So Stacey and I have set our wedding date.

December 4, 2015.

That's right folks, I'm getting married in less than a year and a half!!!  Awesome.

I've never been a big wedding person.  Sure, I've had the odd fantasy here and there about what my wedding would be like if I had an unlimited budget.  (In case you're curious, it would be at Disney World in Cinderella's castle).  But I never have really gotten into it.

Now it seems is the time to get into it.  I have a few ideas, most of them very "wedding-on-a-budget"-y and feminist.

Anyway, my point for this post is that I don't want to be a "bridezilla" or a "bootcamp bride".  I want to focus on the marriage, not the wedding.

However, I do have a lot of weight to lose, and I will be trying to lose a lot in the next year and a half.

I have no doubt that at some  point in the next year I will start to feel the pressure to look thin on my wedding day.

In fact, I already feel the pressure.  But it's coming from ME, not the wedding industry (well, 75% me, 25% wedding industry.  I mean, do they even make gorgeous wedding dresses that have sleeves?).  I have a strong desire to get back to my pre-grief size before I walk down the aisle.

I have already lost 9 out of the 100 pounds.  I have 91 pounds to lose, and 73 weeks until my wedding.

BUT I should probably get my dress fitted at least a month in advance, so lets say 69 weeks.

So that's me losing an average of 1.5 pounds a week.  Is it impossible?  No.  Is it easy?  No.  Will it be something that I regret doing?  No.

So here I go.  I'm going to try to lose the grief weight before my wedding.

In reasonable ways, like tracking my food on My Fitness Pal regularly, exercising most days, and eating mostly healthy foods (I'm going to just do what feels right, but probably will allow myself a little bit of junk food every day alongside my healthy meals - no 90/10 rule or anything).

Of course, if I find that I can't lose the weight as quickly as I'd like to, I'm not going to give up.  I will let my body do what it's meant to do.  If I weigh 75 pounds less, or 50 pounds less, or 25 pounds less on my wedding day, I will make peace with that.

Because at the end of the day, I'm more excited about the marriage than I am about the wedding.

And don't tell Stacey, but this is totally the dress that I want (click image to visit the Etsy page)!!!

I am going to come up with a fun photo logo for future posts about my "Bride Boot Camp" and I may change the name to something a little more creative.  ;-)

Married peeps: Did you set a weight loss goal for your wedding date?  

Losing 100 Pounds: Why, how, and other ponderings...

When you have a big life goal, it's really easy to think in terms of the big picture and in all-or-nothing thoughts, and to get extremely overwhelmed and to either obsess or give up.

Long road ahead... [source]

I've had many big life goals, none quite so reoccurring as the desire to lose weight.  And unlike many other life goals, losing weight is a goal that doesn't stop once you achieve it.  It's a life long commitment.

There is no true finish line to this, which means that not only is it not a race, it's not a destination either.

There is no timetable either, because like I said, it won't be done once I lose 100 pounds.

So in order for me to lose this weight and keep it off, I need to stop thinking of the weight loss as a timed race to a destination, and to start thinking of it as a life long thing.  

It's also not something that I am obligated to do.  No one is forcing me to lose 100 pounds.

I don't believe that only thin people are healthy, or that only thin people are beautiful.  In fact, I think those are completely false statements which I am in no way going to use to motivate this weight loss.  I believe  in health at every size.

A very important part of setting any goal is to have a good reason that you really believe in.

My biggest motivators are health,  happiness, and the desire to get back to the same size I was when Mom was alive.

Let's break those motivators down and really analyze them.

1) Health.

As I just said, I believe in health at every size.  So I believe that it's  possible to be my current size (5'6'', 250-ish pounds, size 22 jeans) and healthy.  HOWEVER, I did not get this size using healthy habits.  Personally, this is not a healthy size.  I got this big by eating lots of pizza, snack cakes, potato and chips, with no respect to my body's hunger signals.  During most of my weight gain, I still exercised regularly, but not enough to stop the massive weight gain (100 pounds in 2 years, most of it happening in the first year).

I want to be healthy, inside and out.  Healthy habits will lead to weight loss for me.

2) Happiness.

Okay, I call a little bit of bullshit on myself for this one.  Will I be happy because I weigh 100 pounds less than I do now?  Of course not.  Happiness is not found in a number on a scale  or a pants tag.  Happiness is found from within.

However, if I can finally learn to love my body by treating it with respect and total care, and if I can finally rid myself of the emotional eating and the obsessive thoughts, and if I can finally truly recover from EDNOS, then I will be pretty happy with that.

Losing weight won't cure me from my EDNOS, but I think that the lessons that I will  learn along the way could help.

3) Wanting to be the size that I was before Mom died.

I don't know if this is a rational desire, but it's one that is extremely personal to me.  I hate that I look so different than I looked when Mom knew me.  I know that it's impossible to go back in time, but it's not impossible to get back to a more comfortable size, and to possibly feel closer to the person I was back then.

I may end up expanding this list of reasons, but for now I am satisfied with them as good motivators.

Now it's time to tell you how I'm losing the weight.

I'm not going to do anything extreme.  Instead, I'm going to modify my eating in healthy and reasonable ways.

Here are a few things that I'm doing:

1) Cook every day.  I've been using the crock pot to make the meat/bean course, and then I bake or saute some vegetables and cook some rice.  I eat leftovers for lunch the next day.

2) Keep binge foods out of the house 100% of the time, no exceptions.  Binge food list for me: bread, snack cakes, pizza (except home made), chips (except pita chips), candy (except dark chocolates and licorice), and pop tarts.

3) Anything processed, stick to the serving size recommended on the package.  Ex: 1/2 cup of cereal, 1 granola bar, 5 slices of turkey, etc.

4) Weigh in weekly or so.

5) Track food and exercise on MFP at least two days a week, just to make sure that my portions haven't gotten out of control.

6) Exercise every other day (for now.  I let myself get VERY out of shape the last couple of months, so any loftier goal than that is doomed.).

Easier said than done! [source]

I'm not going to say that this is how I'm going to lose 100 pounds.  I'm just saying that this is what I'm doing for now, and it's working and all very reasonable.

I hope that all of my lovely readers and friends are doing well!  Please let me know what you think of my motivations and new guidelines.

P.S. Stacey and I are engaged!