Recovering from EDNOS

Time for another reflective and honest post about my history with disordered eating.

Only, I'm going to be talking in the present tense a bit...

...because lately I've been thinking that despite being "recovered" from anorexia/EDNOS (Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified) for years, I still have a bit of it inside me.

And it is that I'm pretty much obsessed with tracking my food.  Or with following a food plan.  Or both.

When I tried to break myself from this obsession with Intuitive Eating, I failed because I was still being obsessive.  I was trying to follow Intuitive Eating to a T.  I was on the non-plan plan (isn't that a quote from a movie?).

Anyway, my point here is that I am still (slightly) suffering from EDNOS.  It's not life-threatening like it was seven years ago, because I don't under-eat and I don't over-exercise.. 

But my mind is still overly cluttered with thoughts of food and exercise. 

I am proud that I've been able to make diet and exercise less of a priority for me lately, but it's not enough.

I think that for me to truly recover from my EDNOS once and for all, I need to stop tracking my food and exercise completely.

Not by following the Intuitive Eating book, but simply by just learning more.

This blog may change a bit as I try to release myself from these obsessive thoughts and the preoccupation with numbers (weight, size, calories/PointsPlus, calories burned, etc.).

I hope that you still enjoy my blog when it's no longer about how much I've eaten, how much I've exercised, or how much weight and inches I've lost or gained.

There will still be entries with vegan recipes, and also entries that will touch on the following themes (which are all goals of mine):

1. Learning to love the body that I have.

2. Not dieting. (no tracking my food or avoiding any foods because they are "bad")

3. Eat when hungry, don't eat when not hungry.

4. Exercise when I want to, and do fun exercises for the sake of feeling good, not for the sake of burning calories.

5. Get stronger, faster, and healthier.

But I am also going to be posting on topics of mental health and well being.  How I'm doing, if (when) I slip up, and of course there is the very real possibility that I will change my mind and go back to Weight Watchers, My Fitness Pal, or any other number of tracking sites. 
 
This is the beginning of a new journey, one that will focus on my letting go of the diet industry and the pressure to be thin, and learning to love myself and my body. 
 
If I lose more weight, I'm fine with that.  If I don't, I'm... learning to be fine with that.  If I GAIN... ?  Still hoping that doesn't happen, but as long as I'm healthy and happy, that's what the focus will be from here on out.
 
Thanks for reading.  :-)  I love you guys.