And yes, THIS time "it will stick". At least... I hope so.
Every day is a struggle right now. I just wanted to be honest with you guys on here, because that's what I try to do. That's what this blog is about.
It's about really putting myself out there, especially in regards to diet, exercise, weight, healthy eating, and things like that.
Every morning, I wake up happy to start a new day, with the infamous "clean slate".
Because every night, I'm overeating. Or eating the "wrong" things. Or both.
...and that cycle needs to stop, now.
Because I'm terrified of re-gain. I know that I'm not weighing myself right now, so it's possible that I've gained back more. My pants say otherwise, in fact they are starting to fall off (the 14's may fit again now, will try them on this weekend!) but I'm still scared that I'm gaining weight.
I don't want to worry about my weight. Some days I tell myself that I should be okay as a size 16 (which is hard to even type) as long as I'm healthy and happy.
...but that's a lie. I want to be THIN. I want to be SKINNY. I want to look like Sarah Michelle Gellar (or insert your favorite super-skinny celeb name here).
So I control my portions. I've been tracking on My Fitness Pal sporadically. I exercise almost every day, usually for about an hour, usually all cardio.
And I'm having all of these "I want to be thin by MAY" thoughts (I'm going to NYC for vacation again, yay!) all the while trying to stay out of the diet mentality and developing an eating-healthy-by-day-but-overeating-every-night habit.
I know one thing for sure: The solution is NOT me getting back on the scale. That's the one part of my new post-dieting lifestyle that I love and refuse to give up.
So here's what I'm going to do-
1) I will try on those size 14's tonight and see how they are fitting.
2) I will try to solve my overeating every night habit. Perhaps by eating a larger dinner, later at night, or by splitting dinner into two meals, one around 5 and another around 9.
3) I will continue to keep my portions in check by tracking some days on My Fitness Pal... but not every day, because I'm still trying to transition to a life without tracking.
4) I will journal. If not on this blog, then privately. I have lots of thought that need to be put to paper, and most of them probably wouldn't interest you guys. The ones that are relevant to the themes of my blog will probably end up here. So get ready for some more "dear diary" type entries.
5) I will continue my kick-ass exercise routine.
And that's all for today! Just wanted to check in with you all, and let you know that I'm struggling a bit. Or a lot, depends on the moment.
Phew, I feel better now. Anything that you want to get off your chest? Please feel free to share in the comments or to email me firstname.lastname@example.org