Friday, February 10, 2012

Rejecting the Diet Mentality (again)

Once again, I have been working on rejecting the diet mentality that plagues me.

And yes, THIS time "it will stick".  At least... I hope so.

Every day is a struggle right now.  I just wanted to be honest with you guys on here, because that's what I try to do.  That's what this blog is about.

It's about really putting myself out there, especially in regards to diet, exercise, weight, healthy eating, and things like that.

Every morning, I wake up happy to start a new day, with the infamous "clean slate".

Because every night, I'm overeating.  Or eating the "wrong" things.  Or both.

...and that cycle needs to stop, now. 

Because I'm terrified of re-gain.  I know that I'm not weighing myself right now, so it's possible that I've gained back more.  My pants say otherwise, in fact they are starting to fall off (the 14's may fit again now, will try them on this weekend!) but I'm still scared that I'm gaining weight.

I don't want to worry about my weight.  Some days I tell myself that I should be okay as a size 16 (which is hard to even type) as long as I'm healthy and happy.

...but that's a lie.  I want to be THIN.  I want to be SKINNY.  I want to look like Sarah Michelle Gellar (or insert your favorite super-skinny celeb name here).

So I control my portions.  I've been tracking on My Fitness Pal sporadically.  I exercise almost every day, usually for about an hour, usually all cardio.

And I'm having all of these "I want to be thin by MAY" thoughts (I'm going to NYC for vacation again, yay!) all the while trying to stay out of the diet mentality and developing an eating-healthy-by-day-but-overeating-every-night habit. 

I know one thing for sure:  The solution is NOT me getting back on the scale.  That's the one part of my new post-dieting lifestyle that I love and refuse to give up.

So here's what I'm going to do-

1) I will try on those size 14's tonight and see how they are fitting. 

2) I will try to solve my overeating every night habit.  Perhaps by eating a larger dinner, later at night, or by splitting dinner into two meals, one around 5 and another around 9.

3) I will continue to keep my portions in check by tracking some days on My Fitness Pal... but not every day, because I'm still trying to transition to a life without tracking.

4) I will journal. If not on this blog, then privately.  I have lots of thought that need to be put to paper, and most of them probably wouldn't interest you guys.  The ones that are relevant to the themes of my blog will probably end up here.  So get ready for some more "dear diary" type entries.

5) I will continue my kick-ass exercise routine.

And that's all for today!  Just wanted to check in with you all, and let you know that I'm struggling a bit.  Or a lot, depends on the moment. 

Phew, I feel better now.  Anything that you want to get off your chest?  Please feel free to share in the comments or to email me


Katie said...

We have THE same exact struggles. I have decided to put the scale away - at least for the month of February and not let it control me. I hated those mornings when I woke up, felt 'skinny', and then stepped on the scale (which says otherwise) and then I just feel like a fat a$$ all day long. Not a good feeling.

I keep trying to remind myself that I am HEALTHY - I can run miles at a time and do the eliptical, etc, etc... but I am with you - I still want deep down to be skinny. It is so hard, and I really appreciate you sharing your struggles so candidly here on your blog.

I just posted in my blog about an online 'bootcamp' I am going to do in March and April and I am hoping that accountability will help keep me on track - and I am going to be adding in some strength training which I definitely need. I think I am going to stay off the scale during the bootcamp challenge as well, but take before and after pictures.

Anonymous said...

Great post! And honest too.

melissa said...

hang in there! i keep having these thoughts of, "if i only had the body i had 3 years ago..." which, of course, will not come easy but i have give up moments too (STRESS EATER!). this is why your blog is so wonderful- it's the truth!!!

Anonymous said...

i doubt there is a person out there trying to lose weight/get healthy who doesn't feel the exact same way -- i know i do!
every day is a struggle in one way or another...
and i wish i could put the scale away & stop tracking -- but i know that is just not in the cards for me & i have come to terms with it.
i say do what makes you happy first & foremost! whatever that may be -- you know we got your back & are always here to listen!


Jennifer said...

The diet mentality sucks.

Also I "tagged" you {} feel free not to participate! :)