Tuesday, February 11, 2014

When comfort eating stops working...

Very recently, I have realized that overeating no longer serves any need, but rather it is a habit.

For a year and a half, overeating provided comfort for me during a terrible time in my life.  I still need lots of comforting, but food is no longer providing that for me.

That need is no longer being met with food.

Instead, it is doing the opposite:  My overeating is doing nothing but hurting me.

I'm getting bigger and bigger, and more and more out of shape.

I'm not practicing health at every size.  I'm a binge eater.

My binge eating, and my comfort eating in general (eating whenever I'm sad, lonely, bored, anxious, or procrastinating obligations) is a habit now.

It did serve a need.  But it's not serving it anymore.

I need to figure out how to serve that need again.

The need is pretty basic:  comfort.

No one has mastered comfort like Diva and Jacques.

I crave comfort more than anything.  I feel like since Mom died, my world has been extremely uncomfortable.

Eating soothed me, to the tune of my gaining nearly 80 pounds so far (possibly more, planning to weigh in soon for yet another "before" weight to go with my newest "before" picture- blog about why I'm still okay with progress photos possibly coming soon, since I know it's kind of controversial in the ED recovery world).

newest "before"

Overeating no longer soothes me, but like I said, it's a habit now.

So I'm going to work on two things.

One: Breaking the habit, and
Two: Filling the needs to be comforted, and to be comfortable. (I think that these are separate needs, both of which I have, and both of which used to be fixed with overeating).

I've started to track my food again, which will  hopefully help me to not binge.  To realize that I need to start eating fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and lean proteins again.  To realize that I need to start eating meals again, instead of just constant snacking...  To remember that exercise is important.  To remember what regular portions look, taste, and feel like.  That kind of stuff.

So that's a step in the right direction.  But breaking the habit is going to be tough.  Good habits are hard to form, and bad habits are hard to get over.  But neither goals are impossible.

I think that the way to break the overeating habit is to focus on starting good habits;  that way, the focus is positive.
I'm not giving up overeating;  
I'm gaining health!

I'm not giving up junk food;  I'm adding in more healthy foods!

I'm not giving up TV time;  I'm watching TV while I bike!

Baby steps, as per usual, will work best for me.

What are some habits that you would like to add into your life?


Josh Habansky said...

Hey, thank you so much for your honesty and openness. I'm a 24 year old male and have been a raging bulimic for at least 8 years. I dealt with anorexic tendencies and overexercise for years before that so it's been all I've known. I've been in inpatient treatment over 10 times in several different states but I've not been able to maintain any sort of recovery. Bingeing has simply been a drug I haven't been able to give up for some reason, despite doing tons and tons of "emotional" work. I know it really comes down to the habit piece; unfortunately, I've never been able to fully break the habit. Not long enough at least. Anyway, thank you again and I wish you the best on your recovery journey.

Leah: Not Otherwise Specified said...

@Josh- Thanks for your kind words! I am glad that you enjoy this blog, and I wish you the best on your recovery as well. <3

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