As I alluded to in my last post, I'm going to try to move this blog back towards EDNOS recovery and away from dieting.
I started this process about a year ago, taking the first three steps towards permanent recovery.
I revamped the blog and really started to focus on recovery again, by writing and following my own path, which started with letting go of the guilt, total body acceptance, and intuitive eating.
This time around, (hopefully the last time), I'm going to be more intuitive about the entire process. No more road maps, no more plans. Just working on letting go of the EDNOS, one day at a time.
It will be a struggle, because I do want to lose weight, and I don't want to be a fat bride. These are two thoughts that I need to weed out of my brain.
How many times do I have to learn that more than anything, I want happiness and health, not a skinny body no matter the cost? Apparently at least one more time.
I have a few thoughts about what recovered me will be like.
- I will love my body, inside and out
- I will eat whatever I want, whenever I get hungry, and just kind of naturally stop when my body is done, except on rare occasions
- I will naturally gravitate towards qualities and quantities that are healthy for my body and mind (which sometimes is whole foods, and sometimes is milk chocolate kisses)
- I will train for races with no secret weight loss goal. The only goals will be to enjoy the movement, and to beat my last time. I will also walk a lot, because it feels good and I enjoy it.
- ... and most importantly: Most of my life is spent pursuing goals, accomplishing things, and enjoying things that have NOTHING to do with food, exercise, or my body size.
All of these things are very important to me, and I know that once I'm truly recovered from my EDNOS, my life will be better. Not perfect, but better.
P.S. I had a blast in NYC!