Quitting.

 

 

When you give up something that is bad for you, it's not quitting.

This was one of my mantras back when I was first recovering from my anorexic symptoms during my EDNOS treatment.  (In that scenario, quitting = failing.  Technically, when you quit, it is quitting, obviously, but it's not FAILING.  Anyway.)

It helped me to eat, even when I felt like I was a failure for doing so.  It helped me to not do any cardio workouts, even when I felt like a quitter for not sticking to my routine.  It helped me to survive.

These days, I don't need to learn to eat more and exercise less.  My EDNOS has changed, along with my needs and goals.

But there are things that I still need to quit. 

This morning, I cancelled my Weight Watchers account for the 5,000,000th time (slight exaggeration). 

I did it for a couple of reasons.  One is that I feel like I've learned all I need to learn about the Simply Filling Technique in order to remain successful.  I don't feel like I need the online tools to continue eating this way.  One month subscription was plenty.  Two is that I don't want to spend $20 a month on this.  That money could go towards the gym membership that I have my eye on for the February budget.

However, it still felt like quitting. 

It feels like I should have stayed a paying member for at least a couple of more months, just so that I'm not "a quitter". 

So I'm proud of myself for recognizing the need to cancel the subscription, and for not caving into the disordered thoughts telling me to keep the membership that I no longer need.

I plan to lose plenty of weight this year, with or without Weight Watchers, and definitely without returning to any EDNOS behaviors. 

I recently ordered a food journal that doesn't require calories or any other macronutrients to be tracked.  It is a place to write down what you eat, and what exercises you do, and also to be a little artistic.  I think that it will be really good for me.  As soon as it arrives, I will post about it in further detail.  It's called the Diet Doodle Diary.

Seems like a good fit for someone with a history of EDNOS who is trying to lose weight without returning to any bad ED habits.  If that's not true, I will admit it, obviously.  But I look forward to seeing what this cute little journal has to offer.  I think that it will help me to become a more mindful eater, while still helping me to lose some weight in 2015.

What have you quit lately?