Tuesday, June 26, 2012

A Dedication

At the end of May, my world came crashing down when my wonderful mom didn't wake up after a surgery.  On June 18th, she died after two weeks of hospice care.

My mom. 
The most wonderful person that I know.

The most supportive, honest, kind, loving, best person in the world.

A beautiful woman in every sense of the word. 
Mom was kind to everyone, even to those who did not deserve it.

A woman who I hope to take after in many ways.  Mostly, I hope to have inherited her kind heart and her beautiful smile.  :-)  Also, I hope to one day be as amazing a mother.  I can only hope that I was as wonderful a daughter as she was.  For better or worse, both of her parents have outlived her, and she was a truly amazing daughter to them, taking care of both of them often.

I have spent the month freaking out emotionally, as  you may imagine.  For me, this included a lot of emotional eating, as well as a step down from veganism (for now, I'm "only" vegetarian...).

Anyway, I stepped on the scale yesterday morning, and it was a very ugly number.

BUT...  here's my first (there are sure to be MANY) dedication to Mom:  I dedicate this weight loss journey to my mom.  She always wanted the best for me, and that includes health and happiness.  She also always wanted me to be kind to myself, which is something that I have always struggled with.

So, I vow that I will not be mean to myself or unhealthy in any way to lose this weight. 

I rejoined Weight Watchers Online, and will be tracking on there for the time being.  Also, I will be getting back into regular exercise.  I will not be setting any unrealistic time table goals for this weight loss.  I will not beat myself up if I mess up or gain weight along the way.

I am going to live up to what my blog is called, and I will be KIND to myself during this journey.

It's time to start living life again, and I'm not exactly sure how to go about doing that, since so much of my life and my routine revolved around Mom (I live 2 minutes away from my parents' house).  I'm not as close to my dad as I was to Mom, but I'm working hard on that relationship as well. 

For now, I will start with going to work tomorrow for the first time in June.  And tracking on Weight Watchers Online.  And exercising.

I am going to try to update the blog weekly for a bit, telling you all how I've done with Weight Watchers and with being kind.  :-)


Sam Segan said...

I am so, so sorry about your mother. I can't even imagine what that must have felt like, but from your post, I can tell you're handling yourself with truly admirable maturity. I admire your sane tone and clear-eyed goals. I hope you can find some pleasure in physical health--exercise, in particular, is REALLY good for boosting mood in times of depression (as it is, of course, reasonable to be depressed after a death). Have you read 'Spark'? Anyway, just figured I would mention that benefit of exercise, weight loss aside. It can be quite comforting, even more so than overeating.

Cyn Knight said...

oh leah i am so very sorry! i knew your mom had complications and she wasn't doing well but i did not know she had passed. my heart truly goes out to you and yours!
while i do not know you personally i can absolutely without a doubt tell you that you are indeed kind and caring and i am sure your mom was beyond proud of you! i would be if i were her!
welcome back to weight watchers (we always come back!) and if you need ANYTHING please just say the word!

Leanne @ The Skinny Architect said...

I am so so sorry Leah, my thoughts, prayers, and love is with you and your family!

Rae said...

I am so sorry about your mom, I can't even imagine what that must feel like. Welcome back to WW and in general. Best of luck to you as you restructure your life during this difficult time. I will continue to send good thoughts and prayers your way.

Anonymous said...

I'm so very sorry for your heartbreaking loss. Your mom sounds so sweet and her smile is so beautiful. You have my prayers, Leah. From a fellow "Kind Watcher". Meg

Anonymous said...

I am sorry to hear about the loss of your mother. I will send prayers to you and your family.

LabelSnob said...

Oh Leah, I am truely so sorry to hear about your Mom. I can't even imagine what you must be going through. Take care of yourself and I will keep you in my prayers.

Katy said...

Leah-I am so sorry. I have been thinking about you and your mom a lot since your last post and I am just so sorry. You are right, be kind to yourself on your journey forward. I will be thinking of you.


Megan said...

Leah, I am so sorry! I've been thinking about you a lot! It has to be hard, but you have the right attitude, do it for your mom, and be kind to yourself!

Betsy said...

Leah, Prayers going up for you and your family. I can't imagine what you are going through. I hope that you find peace through your journey!

Amanda said...

Leah my heart breaks for you. I am so sorry to hear about your mother. I hope you can start to heal and find a way to make peace with her passing. My thoughts and prayers are with you.



Jessie said...

I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your mom! From reading your blog for quite a while now, I could tell you had a very close and special relationship. I've been praying for the best for her since your post about her surgery, and now I will continue to pray for your strength. Hugs being sent your way!!!

Jennifer said...


I'm trying to catch up with my online friends since life has been a little hectic with moving and unpacking and settling in and not having internet for a week... I am so sorry to hear about your mom. That is just heartbreaking. I wish you all the best as you start this journey. I need to join you in being KIND to myself. I am not always kind to myself or my body.

Sending you love and hugs and prayers.

Sundara said...

So Sorry to hear about your mom. My mom died 17 years ago- I was only 17. It doesn't ever stop hurting, but it does get easier. I'll be thinking about you.