Thursday, January 17, 2013

Closet eating...

I didn't realize what a closet eater I was until this week.

For a long time now, I've been on my own in the evenings through the week.  Stacey works 3pm to midnight, M-F.  So I have had the house to myself.

That is when the bulk of my overeating and ALL of my binge-eating happened.  When I got emotional and was alone.  There was a Kroger right down the street, and all it took was twenty minutes to drive there, get a box of snack cakes, a bag of chips, and a giant tub of dip, and get home.

Then, there I would be:  alone with a bunch of junk food.  What else was there to do but eat it all in one sitting while watching TV? 

I don't know where these donuts came from!
But I guess I better eat them ALL before someone sees...

This would happen at least once a week, and the other days would also have overeating, but not necessarily a trip to the store for the specific purpose of binge-eating.

This is a classic example of closet eating. 

I am a closet eater. 

Sometimes when I'm in uncomfortable situations, or even sometimes when I'm not, I will just randomly wish that I could be home alone so that I could EAT JUNK in private.

a closet - not mine (too sparse)

This closet emotional binge eating is the main reason that I gained so much weight so quickly after Mom died and the number one reason that I haven't lost it yet.

On January 5th, I moved to Nashville for an internship.  I now have roommates, one of whom is also an intern and is becoming a good friend to me.  I am almost NEVER home alone.  I have had to say goodbye to my closet eating.

And it's been a wonderful thing for me.

Last night, when I suddenly was VERY emotional, and all I wanted to do was either binge-eat or even smoke a cigarette (I quit smoking in '09), because my roommate was going to the gym, instead I went and worked out beside her.  And I felt GREAT about myself and knocked out another half-marathon training session.

Tomorrow there will be a test for me.  She has to go to work, but I don't.  I will have the house to myself for several hours.  But I'm going to make a healthy game plan tonight, and stick with it tomorrow.  :-)

I just wanted to share this experience with you guys, because it seemed like an important realization: I'm a closet eater. 

Now that I know, I can start to plan my alone time better.  Apparently being alone in the evenings is a HUGE trigger for my binge eating. 

I hope that all of you are having great days!  I will come back later and add some pretty pictures to this; right now I'm on a computer at work...


CC said...

That takes a lot of courage to admit that. I have the problem where if I have a night alone I love to get my favorite fatty takeout and enjoy it because I feel like I deserve it. I am trying to change my mindset to "Oh, I have two hours to myself! I'm going to go on that long walk I haven't had time for."

Brandy said...

I love your honesty on the blog. It really makes me think about my own eating and how it might be an issue for me too.
Thank you for sharing!

Kim (Babyw8) said...

I find I do the same thing. As soon as I am alone I start thinking about food and sneak it as soon as I can

cyn knight said...

closet eating is what caused me to regain 20lbs -- kudos to you for owning it and becoming aware! now your eyes are wide open and you have a plan -- good for you!