We are more than our LOOKS!!!

disclaimer: I apologize in advance for any sexism that I imply here, because I do know that men go through the same kind of thing, but this post will be about my experience as a woman, so I will be discussing women's issues... not saying that this is ONLY a women's issue at all

Now that I've gotten the disclaimer out of the way, here's my topic: 

Why do we, as women, let ourselves care so much

about our looks?



one of the first results for search: what a woman should look like

Seriously.  I have been guilty of caring way too much about my appearance for most of my life.  I can't remember a time when it didn't matter to me at all.  Maybe when I was 5?  4?  3?  Even in my earliest memories, I can remember people making me feel as if my looks were more important than anything else.

Adults love to tell little girls that they are pretty, or that what they are wearing is pretty. 

And some little girls take that stuff seriously. 



"You look like a doll!!!  How PRETTY!!!"

I remember one time when I was 6 years old (ish) and I looked in the mirror, thinking that nothing about me was special.  Feeling terrible about how plain I was.  My pale freckle-less skin, my mousy straight hair, my uninteresting nose, eyes, and ears.  I hadn't yet started to worry about my weight (thank god) but I was still very much concerned about my looks.

That memory saddens me, and makes me wonder how many little girls I see every day have simular thoughts.  How many young girls put that much thought into their looks.



another "what a woman should look like" result

...And for some of us, it has never gone away.  That desire to be pretty, and the thoughts that our appearance somehow represents our worth.  That need to fit into a certain mold.  Whose standards are we trying to achieve?  And... why?

Some things are way more important than how we look.  Like... almost all things.  Just off the top of my head, here is a list of things that are more important than looks:

1) health

2) loved ones

3) work ethic

4) school and work deadlines

5) bills...?

All of these things are way more important than what we look like.  And the list could go on literally FOREVER. 

So, why is it that we put looks on such a high pedestal, and assume that if only we looked a certain way, everything else would fall into place?



another "what a woman should look like" gem.

Hmmm.  Here's a thought:

Let's stop the madness. 

I'm not saying that I'm going to stop caring about my appearance.  I am just saying that there is a balance out there.  I can still take pride in my appearance (shower, hair, makeup, clothes without holes in them) without making it a top priority.

I have been taking steps for weeks now to not care so much about food and exercise, and to instead focus on more important things (which is how I managed to ace my finals, BTW!).

I encourage all of you reading this to take a moment today and think about how much energy you put into your appearance. 

Are you only dieting and/or exercising for your appearance, or is health your main goal? 

Do you constantly (or nearly constantly) worry about how you look? 

Let's try to dial it back a bit and focus a bit more on important things. 



what a woman should look like #1 result!  (joke)

a perfect moment...

Have you ever have one of those, "WOW, I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be at the exact perfect time" moments?


I have, but I had completely forgotten them until yesterday.

I was at a study group for my Intro to Law class, and we were working on our final exam together, each of us contributing equally and working hard.

Some time during that study session, I had a "moment".

I was exactly where I was meant to be at the exact perfect time.

I was really in my element, and was ridiculously happy. I was amongst my peers, all of whom have simular goals to me, and we were talking about the history of law as well as how to apply law cases to examples of law cases... and it felt great.

For about 3 and a half hours, I was thinking only about law, and my place at the University of Memphis and what my current class schedule really meant for my future.

I was NOT thinking about my body, my food, or anything along those lines.

And I was happy.

I'm going to continue to strive for moments like this in my daily life. Moments of perfection that have nothing to do with my weight or my appearance.

Have a wonderful day, friends!

How my non-tracking is going...

It's going really well so far!  There have been some bumps along the way, but I have basically been not tracking my food or exercise since December 1st, in an attempt to finally completely finish my EDNOS recovery and move on to a life that is not so food focused.

One thing that I've learned I'm pretty good at:  waiting until I'm actually hungry to eat.  I rule at that.  Sometimes it 6 or more hours between eating, because I'm really not hungry that often some days.

Here's another reason that it may take me so long to get hungry- I'm pretty bad at stopping eating when no longer hungry.  That part is still tough for me!  I think that part may be tough on the weekends for a while.  It's probably mostly difficult because I still eat while doing other things, mainly watch TV.  That is a habit too ingrained in me to give up.  Therefore, my meals tend to be so large that I don't need to snack between them, because they keep me full for hours.

I'm still eating mostly healthy foods when I do eat, and of course everything is vegan.  :-)  The only difference is that I'm no longer measuring portions (except with my EVOO, I still use a teaspoon out of habit) and that I'm no longer tracking it.  So at the end of the day, I have no clue how many calories or PointsPlus I have consumed. 

And I'm not going to lie, that is kind of scary to me.  It would probably be less scary if I actually could master the "stop eating when no longer hungry" concept.  So that is my goal right now, is to really hone in on that skill this week.

The other good news is exercise:  It's my goal to no longer exercise just to burn calories and lose weight, but to actually exercise because I want to exercise.  And to do exercises that I enjoy, with no pressure of a time goal or calorie goal to reach.

On Saturday, the weather here (Memphis, TN) was amazing.  Stacey and I decided to walk a lot.  We walked to my mom's house, which according to mapmyrun.com is 1.74 miles there and back.  Then we walked to a local holiday parade, which is another 1.7 miles.  So, without really thinking about it, Stacey and I walked more than 3 miles on Saturday.  This was fun, it felt great, and totally counts as exercise. 

Yesterday, I really felt like getting some exercise in, but to make it fun I used my mini-trampoline.  I did ten minutes on it, then ten on the bike, then ten on the stepper.  Then I did another ten on the trampoline and three on the bike before I realized that I wasn't having fun anymore and was in in just for the calorie-burn and for the "exercise for one full hour" goal.  So I got off.  43 minutes, undetermined amount of calories burned, but a lot of fun had. 

I did not get on the scale this weekend.  I will probably step on the scale this upcoming Saturday, and do my measurements, and see how this is going.  But I look thin and I feel healthy, so that's all that I'm really concerned about.  Oh yeah, and I'm happy.  :-)

Recovering from EDNOS

Time for another reflective and honest post about my history with disordered eating.

Only, I'm going to be talking in the present tense a bit...

...because lately I've been thinking that despite being "recovered" from anorexia/EDNOS (Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified) for years, I still have a bit of it inside me.

And it is that I'm pretty much obsessed with tracking my food.  Or with following a food plan.  Or both.

When I tried to break myself from this obsession with Intuitive Eating, I failed because I was still being obsessive.  I was trying to follow Intuitive Eating to a T.  I was on the non-plan plan (isn't that a quote from a movie?).

Anyway, my point here is that I am still (slightly) suffering from EDNOS.  It's not life-threatening like it was seven years ago, because I don't under-eat and I don't over-exercise.. 

But my mind is still overly cluttered with thoughts of food and exercise. 

I am proud that I've been able to make diet and exercise less of a priority for me lately, but it's not enough.

I think that for me to truly recover from my EDNOS once and for all, I need to stop tracking my food and exercise completely.

Not by following the Intuitive Eating book, but simply by just learning more.

This blog may change a bit as I try to release myself from these obsessive thoughts and the preoccupation with numbers (weight, size, calories/PointsPlus, calories burned, etc.).

I hope that you still enjoy my blog when it's no longer about how much I've eaten, how much I've exercised, or how much weight and inches I've lost or gained.

There will still be entries with vegan recipes, and also entries that will touch on the following themes (which are all goals of mine):

1. Learning to love the body that I have.

2. Not dieting. (no tracking my food or avoiding any foods because they are "bad")

3. Eat when hungry, don't eat when not hungry.

4. Exercise when I want to, and do fun exercises for the sake of feeling good, not for the sake of burning calories.

5. Get stronger, faster, and healthier.

But I am also going to be posting on topics of mental health and well being.  How I'm doing, if (when) I slip up, and of course there is the very real possibility that I will change my mind and go back to Weight Watchers, My Fitness Pal, or any other number of tracking sites. 
 
This is the beginning of a new journey, one that will focus on my letting go of the diet industry and the pressure to be thin, and learning to love myself and my body. 
 
If I lose more weight, I'm fine with that.  If I don't, I'm... learning to be fine with that.  If I GAIN... ?  Still hoping that doesn't happen, but as long as I'm healthy and happy, that's what the focus will be from here on out.
 
Thanks for reading.  :-)  I love you guys.

2010 vs. 2011 - when diet isn't #1 anymore

In 2010, I was very dedicated to my diet, which was Weight Watchers. 

Every morning, I logged onto Weight Watchers Online, and I went back several times a day to track everything that I ate, even keeping a paper journal throughout the day so that I would be sure to not forget anything.  I would also spend hours on the message boards, groups, and challenges.  I also began my true obsession with blogging that year, both on my WW.com blog and on here.

I had a very specific weight loss goal for 2010, and I knew that it would take hard work and dedication to reach it.  The goal was to lose 50 pounds in 2010, and I did it.  It still makes me feel very proud to know that I did that.



December 2009




December 2010

 My life in 2010 revolved around Weight Watchers, this blog, exercise, and a wee bit of actual work while at work.  I went from weighing in at 207 to weighing in at 156.8.

Enter 2011.  Suddenly my life included something new that's really important to me:  school.

Suddenly my life revolved around school, with Weight Watchers coming in 2nd.

I still made Weight Watchers and exercise a priority, which is why I was able to lose 13.6 pounds in the first few months of the year despite being such a busy bee.

Summer hit, and I pretty much maintained my loss, going up and down the same 1 to 3 pounds every week.

Then came fall semester... along with a tougher class schedule (no more freshman level courses), a car accident, and a bunch of family drama.  And suddenly, Weight Watchers/exercise/healthy lifestyle slid into 3rd place in the priorities.

School, then family/STRESS, then Weight Watchers.

And that's when the scale started to creep up quickly.  I gained 23.4 pounds from my low weight of 143.2, and got back up to 166.6 somehow.  And it wasn't really with obvious culprits such as binge eating or lack of exercise. 

Nope, it was sneaky stuff like a stolen bite here and there.  Not tracking every day.  Cheating myself on the scale.  Not accurately measuring my food.  A few bad habits creeping back in, like eating chips straight from the bag while watching TV. 

Stress can kill your dieting efforts.  It definately killed mine. 

When I finally stopped lying to myself about my weight gain, I felt in control again.  Healthy eating and exercise still aren't my number one priority, but I'm back on the wagon anyway.  I've lost 10.4 of the gained weight, which puts me back to 156.2, a mere .6 pound net loss for 2011.  Sigh.

I can only hope that even though it's not my number 1 priority, that I can continue to lose weight and eventually be able to maintain without the constant fear of regain.

But I'm still terrified that I have a body that wants to be bigger.  Like my body is happiest at around 165 and will keep trying to get me back to that size if I'm not paying close attention.

All in all, I have decided that I would rather be a college graduate (with honors!!!) who is slightly overweight than someone who hates her job and life but is great at losing weight. 

So that's where I'm at now, just trying to get back to my goal weight, but without the HUGE priority anymore.  I'm ready to find a healthy balance.

Of course, that will have to wait until after these finals are over! 

Has stress ever messed with your

weight loss efforts? 

because I want to spread the joy!

Here's a post about how I never post!

Sorry for the lack of updates lately.  Blogger fail.

I just wanted to let you all know that I'm still HERE and I am going to be here blogging for as long as this technology exists.

But right now, my life is crazy busy.  And I have been focused on things like work, school, and family stuff (including both drama AND sickness). 

So...  I don't know exactly when I'll be back to regular daily or even three-times-a-week blogging.  But I will be doing at least a weekly update with my weigh-in results, and maybe a new recipe if I've tried one that week.

Anyone have a topic that they want me to blog about? 

I am taking suggestions!!!

I can't promise when your blog topic will be blogged about here, but I will make every effort to blog about it, especially if it has to do with the themes of the blog (diet, fitness, health, veganism, Weight Watchers, etc.) but I will take a stab at any topic outside of those things, too.  Why not?  ;-)

And because no one likes a blog entry without a picture, here are my chihuahuas Diva (9) and Jacques (8).

Lose 12.6 by Xmas - Week 4 Results!

weight: 158.0

weight lost from preview week: 2.8

total weight loss for challenge: 8.6

measurements

neck- 12

upper arm (widest part)- 12.5

bust (widest part)- 37

bust (below  breasts)- 32.5

waist (smallest part- 30.5

waist (belly button)- 35

hips (widest part)- 44.5

thighs (widest part)- 24

thighs  (halway b/w knee and crothch)- 20

calf (widest part)- 14

inches lost from previous week- 3.5

total inches lost for challenge- 19.25

Needless to say, I'm thrilled with my progress from this challenge!  :-)

Unfortunately, I'm feeling sick, like I'm coming down with a cold, so I'm not going to pushing myself quite so hard this week.  This may end up not being a big losing week for me, but since I lost 2.8 last week, I'm not too worried about it.  I'm going to be gentle with myself while I recover from this cold, which for me may mean less exercise than usual.

I hope that all of your weeks are going well, and I will be trying to do a Tasty Tuesday this week, but I doubt there will be any other posts.  It is looking like it will be another super-busy week for me!