ONE YEAR SMOKE-FREE!!!

It has officially been ONE YEAR since I quit smoking. Well, the anniversary was yesterday, but I wasn't near a computer then, so I will make the announcement today.

One year ago, cigarettes ruled my life. I spent all of my extra money on cigarettes. I spent all of my free time on cigarettes. I spent all of my non-free time thinking about when I would be able to take another cigarette break. I used cigarettes as an escape from family, friends, life, and love.I was completely dependent on them.

In late May/early June of 2009, I joined Weight Watchers. "to get healthy" was my number one reason to justify the cost.

I still smoked. A pack a day minimum. I was being a hypocrite to myself. No way was my reason for losing weight truly "health" if I was still a pack-a-day smoker. To truly justify my newfound quest for healthy, I would have to do the one other thing that I had tried many times and never been successful at: quit smoking.

Yes, quitting both binge-eating and cigarettes at the same time was hard. Emotions that I had been avoiding with both food and cigarettes emerged for the first time in half a decade, and it wasn't always pretty. But would I go back to overeating and smoking? Absolutely not.

One thing that I've learned this year is that I cannot change the past. It is something that is obvious, but that I haven't ever really had a grip on: I cannot change the past! Yes, it would have been better if I had never gained 80 pounds. It would have been better if I had never started smoking.

But losing weight and quitting smoking are HUGE accomplishments. And for the first time in years, I can say this: I am very proud of myself.

And by the way, for any current smokers who may be reading this: I have lost almost 40 pounds since quitting smoking. Would it have been more had I kept smoking? I can't say for sure, but I can say that I gained 80 pounds as a smoker. So while it may seem like a good excuse to keep smoking, "I'll gain weight if I quit" doesn't have to be true. You can quit if you want to! If you need any help and/or advice on how to quit, or tips, or whatever, don't hesitate to email me (not that I am claiming to be an expert, just someone who has been there). leahknew@gmail.com