Wednesday, October 12, 2011

144-153.... 140?

Stupid numbers. 

Seriously, NUMBERS again? 

Yep, I'm going to talk about numbers again.  This will be the second post in a series about numbers, the first one being "27" a couple of posts ago, and an upcoming post about the numbers on the tags in my clothes. 

Today's post is inspired by a blog entry that I read today by WorkItOutGurl (Stacey), who talked about self-sabatoge. 

Back on January 22 of this year, I finally got into the healthy weight range by both Weight Watchers' standards and BMI's standards.  I weighed in at 154.4 and it was thrilling!!!  I was ecstatic!

me in January, 154.4 pounds, ridiculously happy!
Here's an excert from my WW blog entry that week-
                                   I am hoping that in about 20 pounds, I will out of Plus Sizes, but if I'm not...who cares? Size 6 may be "plus size" some day. It's kind of crazy. I feel and look healthy and beautiful at this size. Thanks, everyone, for all of the support as I've made my way down the BMI chart from obese to normal. :-)

I kind of assumed at that point that I would keep on losing a pound a week and would be down to 135 (my original goal weight) within 20 weeks from that point...  Oh, the blinding optimism of one who has never been in the position of having to lose the last few pounds before! 

I actually did continue to lose the next 10 pounds fairly quickly, reaching the next milestone of 145 on May 14 (eleven weeks!).  OMG, I was once again thrilled beyond belief and ridiculously happy with myself.

May 2011- 145 and on top of the world!!!
I was so happy with and proud of myself for reaching this goal.  At this point, I think that I was still reaching for a goal weight of 135, but I started to doubt that I could make that goal, and even doubt whether or not I really wanted or needed to.  I was happy with my weight.

I reset my goal weight to 144, lost one more pound and called myself "done" with weight loss and ready to maintain my new goal weight of 144 forever.

May 28- goal of 144 achieved.  Delirious!!!
...and I was pretty satisfied with my body, but still wasn't 100% where I wanted to be.  At 144, my size 12's and 14's (depending on the brand and cut) fit pretty perfectly, but I was still very soft and jiggly.  I wanted to work on toning and stop caring so much about the scale.

I quit worrying about Weight Watchers.  I tried to maintain 144 with Intuitive Eating and failed, gaining back 9 pounds and getting back up to 153.  Then I tried My Fitness Pal for awhile and actually deactivated my WW account.  I readjusted my goal weight AGAIN down to 140, giving me 13 pounds left to lose. 

I lost some of it, gained some back, lost some more, and have now been basically losing and gaining the same 5-9 pounds since May.  I did finally admit that I needed Weight Watchers Online and rejoined, which was amazing, but I still was not really focused on losing the last few pounds.

So I had to once again ask myself about my goal weight, and whether or not I was happy at a higher weight.

And the answer is:  No.  I really want to get my weight under control once and for all, and weigh about 140 (138-142 WW range).  Currently, I'm maintaining about ten pounds over that (148-152 range) and that is just not okay with me.

I'm ready to lose the last 10 pounds once and for all!  I have finally realized that this is a LIFELONG journey that does not end when I reach my goal weight.  I have never successfully maintained a significant loss until now.  Yes, I still have 5-10 pounds to lose, and yes, I'm still about 5 pounds heavier than my low weight, but every single pound that I lost in 2010 and before?  Still gone.  And that makes me as happy as I was when I reached 145.  :-)

I am basing my current weight of 149.5 on an unofficial birthday weigh-in.  I'm still offially staying off of the scale, but I had a peek and YEP, I gained. 

I'll leave you with a picture of me on my birthday, which was last Friday so it's pretty much what I look like now.  About 10 pounds until I reach goal, and I'm ready to do it.  It's on.

Stacey & me on October 7- weight 149.5

Sorry for the self-centered egocentric post, but I had to get this stuff out there, and this is the best place to do that.  :-)  I hope that you are all having fantastic days! 

P.S.  Day #3 of No Junk Food Challenge and going strong!


Rae said...

Glad you are still going strong, so am I. On day 4 and hanging in there with the challenge.

Excellent, informative post as usual. I have no doubt that you will get where you want to be as long as you keep plugging away with WW online and MFP. BTW, great photo of your and Stacey near the end of the blog. Love that dress on you :).

Amanda said...

I think you look great at any weight but you have to make yourself happy. I'm currently in the same position as you. I don't know if its because I need WW or because I've just decided that I can eat a little more of this and a little more of that. I know EXACTLY what I need to do but I slack from time to time and for me it was on different on WW. I would get to a point where I would just stop and stay within the same 2-5 lbs. Maybe I need that time to just be me and then I kick it back into gear and after Mexico I'm hoping I can get back to the losing place I was before.

Good luck to you!

Megan said...

Leah - you look wonderful! And I know it's a tough decision to figure out goal weight, I haven't gotten there and now I won't for another year or so, haha! But I know you'll be able to figure it out!

Cyn said...

you rock & your determination is so inspiring...

it's funny, i was talking to my mom about eventually setting a goal weight & the subject of choosing a goal weight that is easy to maintain came up. and yes, there is validity to that -- but i also don't wanna sell myself short. i don't know if i could maintain a 150 lbs because it has been decades since i have been that weight or less -- so maybe i can? bottom line is that i think *goal weight* is a trial and error process & if you believe you can reach a certain weight -- then why the heck not!
as we all know -- a good portion of this journey is mental! and you seem so in the mental game that there is no way you cannot succeed and get to that goal!

Alison said...

You're not self-centered- it's your blog, we come to read about you. :) I personally am glad that you shared your feelings about goal weight. I'm only at the VERY beginning of my journey now so it's a long way off, but it's nice to know what's up ahead of me.

Day 3 of No junk food and I've failed a couple times. :( I'll write about it later this week. See how the weekend goes! I'm trying. :)