Tuesday, July 24, 2012

I miss my cheerleader!

Mom was not just a mom to me.  She was also my best friend!  Despite the facts that she wasn't single, and that I wasn't an only child, and she waited until she was married and already had a two year old boy and was in fact a woman in her mid-twenties before she carefully planned my existence, Mom and I were very much like the Gilmore Girls. 

We could (and would) talk about ANYTHING.  There were a couple of limits to this rule, which I'll let you guess, but for the most part we were quite candid about every little details of our lives to each other.

This was usually a great thing, because I had a mom who was so freakin' cool.  She just understood me, and really took the time to listen to my problems and share in my joys. 

Sometimes it was a bad thing, because I would confide things to her, like a fight I had with my boyfriend, and then would forgive the boyfriend, only to have Mom NEVER forget what the fight was about.  ("Are you sure about this guy, Leah?  Remember when he...")

And in return, I would share in her problems and joys, too.  But to be honest, usually it was me doing the talking and Mom hanging on to every word as if I were the most interesting person on the planet.

She made me feel like I was the center of her universe.

And her family really WAS the center of her world!  She loved us so incredibly much.

Dad, Mom, me and Joel - 1984
And something that I hope she knew:  She was the center of my world, too. 

I am still struggling every day to accept this terrible loss.  I may be a 27-yr-old now, but my life still very much revolved around my mom.  And I'm trying to figure stuff out. 

What does this mean for this blog?

Well, there may be more "dear diary" type entries sometimes, like this one.

Because sometimes I just need to vent.  And sometimes I just need to talk about Mom.

It also means that I need to start another weight loss challenge for myself, to help motivate me.

My biggest cheerleader is gone, and now I have to find the inner strength to keep going.

I will be back soon with the details of my new challenge, which I'm still working on...


Anonymous said...

I am so very sorry for your loss, I have a very similar relationship with my mom and I cannot even begin to imagine what you are going through. I do enjoy reading your blog, and your FB page. I am glad you are continuing with both, but remember your mom wants you to succeed and I imagine she is looking down on you from where ever she is beaming with pride already.

Diane, Fit to the Finish said...

I don't know you but just found your blog. I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. Prayers and hugs to you and your family.

Rae said...

So sorry about your great loss. Glad you had such a great relationship with your mom. I can't imagine what that is like, especially with how close you were to her. Continuing to keep you in my thoughts and prayers.