Wednesday, March 18, 2015
The unrealistic goals... and the realistic ones.
In 2005, when I was in the depths of struggling with my anorexic EDNOS, I really thought that if I could be skinny, then all of my problems would disappear and I could do anything I wanted in life. So long as the fat wasn't holding me back, there was nothing that could stand in my way.
In 2015, currently in the depths of struggling with my binge-eating EDNOS, I really think that if could just be done with the EDNOS, there isn't anything I can't do. If I can recover, truly recover, and learn how to keep my EDNOS under control, there is nothing that will stand in my way.
There are some definite parallels to these thought processes.
This is something that I will address with my therapist.
However, I do believe that my new attitude is healthier than my old one.
It really is true that more doors will become open for me once this eating disorder is under control, or even completely behind me.
But I will still have to work hard for things that I want to accomplish. There will be no magical happily ever after ending to this tale if/when I get a normal relationship with food.
I will still have to take the GRE and go through the challenge that is applying for grad school.
I will still have to work hard to earn a promotion at work.
I will still have to work hard to maintain a solid relationship with Stacey.
I will still have to work hard to improve my credit score, save money, and one day buy a house and have a family. All of these things are not guarantees just because I want them, and I have recovered from an eating disorder.
But they will be more manageable goals once I don't have the ED distracting me constantly, and once my depression and anxiety are under control with medication and therapy.
So, in summation:
unrealistic goal: Life will be perfect and everything will be easy once I'm recovered!
realistic goal: First of all, there probably isn't an "I'm recovered now" moment in my future. I will likely have to always keep my ED in check, as I will likely always have the ED, much like "once an addict, always an addict" and much like my depression and anxiety, which can be managed but are never really gone. Secondly, life will be better, but not perfect. Thirdly, many things will be easier, but most of the things that I want out of life will still require hard work.
P.S. I am going to do a giveaway soon! It will likely be recovery-based, since that's where my mind is at these days. Maybe a cool body-positive piece of artwork, or a book of your choice along with a fancy journal? I will keep you informed.