I gained again. It's almost too depressing for me to even admit to you how much, after a week of pure IE, but okay- it was 2.2 pounds. So in the last two weeks of Intuitive Eating, I have managed to regain 5 entire pounds.
I got a new scale, and it said that I was back up to 153!!!!!!!!!!!! So that's what I'm tracking my weight as now. A gain of almost 10 pounds since I hit my goal of 144.
And that is just too scary for me to continue.
I have to go back to tracking. I have decided to not go back to Weight Watchers, simply because that's just too diet-y for me right now, and I'd like to do a combination of IE and dieting... If that's possible!
So I signed up for My Fitness Pal and have been basically doing IE but with tracking for the last few days.
So I'm still listening to my hunger signals and choosing foods that I like (about 80% really ridiculously healthy options, with 20% processed/junk foods right now... yes I'd like to increase the former to 90% at some point) but with limits.
I feel bad about giving up on Intuitive Eating again. However, for me, it just wasn't working! A reader of mine, Kate from This is Not Diet, said something to me that really made me think: "I think the only way to "eat whatever you want" and not gain weight is if you don't "want" to overeat or eat a lot of junk."
And I do still want to eat junk and I still want to overeat. I don't know why I still want to do those things, but I do. So I need the accountabity of calorie-counting for now. I'm going to give My Fitness Pal three months of commitment, that is my plan. My birthday is October 7, and according to MFP, I will have reached my weight loss goal by then, and will be working towards maintenance again, which is where I want to be! :-)
So I hope that you all understand, my dear readers. I didn't want to give up on IE, but I've just discovered that I am not yet ready to be a true IE-er. IE just wasn't good for me at this point in my life.
With that in mind, I must remember one of the affirmations from my box of affirmations:
"Walking away from something that is bad for you is not giving up."
I still 100% believe in Intuitive Eating, and will go back to it eventually, but for now... I need to work some stuff out. And part of that journey will include counting calories for the food that I eat and the exercise that I do. And I'm okay with that.
|still on a journey...|