I entered treatment for EDNOS (Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified) eight years ago. Doctors, therapists, and nutritionists saved my life, along with my super supportive mom and brother. Yes, I was released from treatment. But I honestly feel like I have never fully recovered from this disorder.
I have gone through many phases in this disorder, and the latest is diet addiction. For the past several years (since beginning this blog), I have gone from one diet to another, and lost and gained over 150 pounds.
I realize that I have a problem. I also realize that the biggest scares are behind me, as far as disordered eating goes. The remnants of EDNOS that I still have are nowhere as severe as the anorexic behavior that I suffered from years ago. I was diagnosed as EDNOS because I was a "normal" weighted anorexic.
I'm just sick of still having an obsession with food and exercise. I believe that my obsession with dieting is leftover behavior from my EDNOS days. And I know that I can recover fully this time. I'm done with dieting for good.
I'm back in "recovery mode", which is where I was several years ago when I realized that I had a problem with food 8 years ago. The differences this time are that (1) My life is not in danger, and (2) I am going at it alone, with no professional help.
But I feel like I have learned so much in the last 8 years, from the professionals who have helped me, books that I have read, experiences and experiments of my own, and from friends and supporters like those of you reading and commenting on my blog and Facebook page. From this knowledge, I am going to be writing my own recovery plan this time around.
I will try to blog at least weekly with how I'm doing in my recovery, including any steps I've made.
The first step that I'm making is to stop feeling guilty. No more guilt about food or exercise. I will write more about this step soon. I don't know what the next step will be yet!