Confession: This entire week, I have been telling myself that I will start over tomorrow with better eating and getting to the gym. I just told myself that again a few minutes ago.
Why am I still engaging in this extremely diet-y behavior? I guess out of habit. I keep eating "bad" food, like pizza, chips, and chocolate candy. I keep on skipping the gym. And because I don't feel guilty about those behaviors, it's hard to motivate myself to stop doing them.
This is definitely new territory for me, knowing that I am trying to be completely done with dieting and food/exercise guilt. I think that my inner "diet rebel" is emerging, trying to test me.
It's hard to find a balance, and hard to find motivation to do healthy things without the guilt as motivation.
This is a journey, as lame as that may sound to some, I truly believe in the word "journey" for many situations. Recovery is a looooooooooooooong journey.
As ready as I am to be "normal" around food, as ready as I am to be an intuitive eater, as ready as I am to be at peace with my body... I'm not there yet. And that's okay.
I need to be kind to myself as I figure out what is next for me.
I need to figure out how to get the motivation for healthy habits back WITHOUT guilt.