Friday, October 8, 2010

the most motivating picture I have... one of myself before I gained the weight (this time). I lost a bunch of weight before, and got down to the weight shown in this picture, 135 pounds.
Oh, and I was three years younger, and blonde. (I used to get highlights, I'm naturally a dirty blonde/light brunette.)
Anyway, I love this picture because of how thin, healthy, and beautiful I look in it. I will be that thin again, in about 34.2 more pounds. :-)
But despite how much skinnier (and probably prettier) I am in this picture, I have to say that now I am much happier than I was when this was taken.
And that is much more important! I was miserable, despite my phony smile. My life was bad. My fiance (now ex-fiance) would make very mean remarks that made me feel fat. I thought that
I was much heavier than I actually was. I never felt "good enough" or "thin enough" for him (or for me).
So when I left him, I immediately gained a bunch of weight, quickly. Then I lost a bit, then I regained even more.
Now, here I am, less than 35 pounds away from weighing what I weighed in this picture. I'm ready to be thin and beautiful and KNOW that I'm thin and beautiful. I'm sick of feeling "less than". I'm finally feeling beautiful again, and I'm feeling healthy. And I know that I'm getting closer and closer to my ultimate goal weight.
And this time, when I smile into that camera, it will be a genuine "I love myself and I love my life" smile. :-)


melissa said...

being happy with yourself is MUCH more important than making someone else happy. i'm so impressed and motivated by your weight loss! how are you going to celebrate when you hit your goal?

Lindsey said...

I second Melissa. You can tell through your writing alone that you have a really healthy self-image, and I can guarantee it's healthier than most people who obsess over being as skinny as possible (rather than focusingon being healthy and happy). Congrats on having such an amazing outlook!!

NewGilmoreGirl said...

Melissa, my plan is to buy some really expensive designer jeans in NYC in my goal size (whatever that may be... last time around I was a 10, but vanity sizing and all I may be a 6 or 8 now!)