Monday, May 23, 2011

Goal Weight Identity Crisis? Also, thinking about IE again...

About my Goal Weight Identity Crisis

Once again, I'm wondering if I should increase my goal weight.

I got into my goal clothes this weekend, and the goal jeans are just...too...tight...!!!

I'm wondering if losing 9.2 more pounds will be enough to fit into them.

Furthermore, I'm wondering if it's even healthy for me to be trying to get into the jeans that fit me when I was at my lowest weight ever (135 - my current goal weight) that I only got into by starving myself with disordered eating when I was 19 years old.

Perhaps it's time to give these "goal jeans" away and to start focusing on loving my healthy body? Adjust my goal weight to 142-145 and begin to maintain within the next month or two?? Or even begin to maintain now?!

I know that this is a personal decision that I have to make for myself, but I thought that I would throw this out there to you guys anyway. I don't know if I'm looking for advice, encouragement, empathy, or just looking to be heard. Just wanted to share.

Because I'm starting to think that I could pretty easily maintain 75 pounds lost, but 85 pounds lost may be tough for me.

And I'm really starting to wonder if I should donate those size 10s and 11s that fit anorexic Leah. Stop worrying about if I will ever fit into them again. Size 12s, 13s, and 14s all fit (depending on the store/brand/cut) and look fantastic on me. Why do I care if I fit into the 10s and 11s?

Sigh... what a "problem" to have, right? Wondering whether or not I should stop losing weight, because I'm healthy and happy as I am.
About  my Intuitive Eating thoughts
So.............  I'm considering doing another experiment with Intuitive Eating!  Yes, I know that just a few posts ago I said that I was going to let go of my IE dream, but I think that I spoke too soon.
I'll let you know what I decide, but I think that since I'm questioning my goal weight, IE may be the best way to go.
Supposedly, if I listen to my body's hunger signals 100% and follow the criterea of IE, my body will settle at the weight that it's supposed to be at.  I'm starting to think that my body likes being at 144-145, but I may surprise myself and lose a little more with IE.  Or, the opposite could happen and I end up gaining a bit.  Surprisingly, I'm actually OK with gaining a bit as long as I don't get back into the 150's. 
Anyway, I'm going to re-read my Intuitive Eating book and report back what I decide.
No matter what I decide with my eating, I am going to keep on updating with monthly measurements posts for a while, and keep on toning up with exercise.  Also, I will continue eating mostly Power Foods and always try to listen to my hunger signals.  And keep up with the number one rule: Everything in moderation!!!


Leanne said...

Maybe give the IE another shot, it might also be useful in determining your body's happy weight. If you stay the same maybe that is what your body wants. Just a thought. I think you have always been beautiful so whatever makes you happy is what you should do :-).

Chris said...

Intuitive eating works for me as long as I eat 90% unprocessed foods, like grains, pasta veggies, tofu, beans, etc. I can eat some processed foods, but only in small quantities, even if they are vegan.

Of course, I still have trigger foods that I allow myself once a week, like non-dairy soy ice cream, popped chips, etc. Intuitive eating gets messed up by these foods, so I have to consciously limit them.

Maybe keep 2 or 3 pair of those small size jeans tucked away, but don't consider them a goal? If you naturally drop down to that size, well, fine. If you don't, that's fine, too.

Wishing you the best

JaJo said...

Its so hard to get passed the number on the tag, just like the number on the scale. You are so close to goal, and 75 pounds lost is a HUGE accomplishment. Good luck with whatever you decide to do!

Mariebop said...

I know how you feel about the "goal" jeans. I had a pair that I really wanted to get back in to. I eventually gave them away. It occurred to me that there's a really good chance that I'll never fit in them again. I was in my early 20's, and dancing 2 hours a day. There's no way I have that kind of time to workout and be that small again.

Do what you feel is right for you. My ultimate goal is just to get to a healthy weight. Any weight I lose after that is just icing. Just keep working out, and eating right. The pieces will just fall into place.

melissa said...

ah, goal clothing! fabulous and horrible at the same time. you're right that it's all about the cut and brand as a 12 can easily be a 16 for another company. have you measured the jeans? this way you know your goal inches rather than guesstimating that losing 10 more lbs will get you into them.

i think your current weight is incredible! and if you're afraid to maintain 10 less, then stay where you are and be excited if you lose more :)